Fast wit and brutal put-downs have been a longstanding characteristic of Australian politics – and thank god for that, as a result of they’re usually the one factor that makes Query Time watchable.
MPs from all events have let fly with jibes, slights and barbs that may see odd Aussies instructed to entrance HR in the event that they used them at their office – however within the bearpit that’s parliament, it appears something goes.
Safe within the information that parliamentary privilege offers protects them from being sued for defamation, our legislators have trotted out quips that vary from the hilarious to the appalling – as this checklist reveals…
Paul Keating – ‘like being flogged with a heat lettuce’
Suppose parliamentary invective and the primary identify that involves thoughts is Paul Keating, who served as Treasurer after which Prime Minister within the Labor governments that ran the nation from 1983 to 1996.
Simply beneath the urbane picture of Zegna fits, classical music and vintage clock amassing lay a political warrior who revelled within the minimize and thrust of Query Time.
Paul Keating had a black belt within the artwork of the insult throughout his time in parliament. The Labor stalwart was capable of minimize opponents all the way down to dimension and lift gales of laughter on the identical time
Continuously deriding these on the alternative benches as ‘dimwits’, ‘blockheads’ and ‘mental hoboes’, Mr Keating mentioned ‘the Opposition couldn’t handle a tart store‘.
Main Liberals got here in for his harshest remedy, referring to then opposition chief John Howard as a ‘little desiccated coconut’, future long-serving treasurer Peter Costello as a ‘low-altitude flyer’, and two-time election loser Andrew Peacock as a ‘painted, perfumed gigolo’ and a ‘gutless spiv’.
However it was his clashes with John Hewson that stay longest within the reminiscence, as Keating turned Query Time right into a must-watch piece of political theatre, when he was treasurer throughout an period of 17 per cent rates of interest.
‘It was the limpest efficiency I’ve ever seen … it was like being flogged with a heat lettuce. It was like being mauled by a useless sheep,’ he instructed parliament after the then shadow treasurer had moved a movement in 1989.
Paul Keating famously instructed former opposition chief John Hewson (pictured) he would refuse to name an early election as a result of ‘I wish to do you slowly’
Most famously Dr Hewson, who later grew to become opposition chief, walked right into a punch when he requested Mr Keating why he was refusing to name an early election in 1992, with the Prime Minister grinning and replying: ‘The reply is, mate – as a result of I wish to do you slowly.’
Close to the top of his time as PM, Keating’s fast wit struck once more throughout a heated debate with Howard in 1995 when he requested the speaker Stephen Martin to assist calm the opposition down.
‘He’s wound up like a thousand-day clock! One flip and there’ll be springs and sprockets everywhere in the constructing,’ he introduced.
‘Mr Speaker, give him a Valium.’
Keating was lengthy out of parliament when he went after Treasurer Peter Costello in 2007 – however he’d misplaced none of his aptitude for put-downs.
‘The factor about poor previous Costello, he’s all tip and no iceberg,’ Keating mentioned. ‘He doesn’t have the ticker for it.’
Mark Latham (pictured) didn’t maintain again when he instructed ex-immigration minister Philip Ruddock to ‘hand in your badge, Adolf’
Mark Latham – ‘hand in your badge, Adolf’
Paul Keating could also be Labor’s grasp of the put-down however former ALP chief Mark Latham isn’t any slouch both as one other political creature of south-west Sydney.
Latham led the occasion from 2003 to 2005 earlier than switching his allegiance to One Nation, serving as a Member of the Legislative Council of New South Wales since 2019.
Latham infamously instructed former immigration minister Philip Ruddock to ‘hand in your badge, Adolf.’
Nevertheless Latham reserved his finest remarks for when the Coalition needed to assist America in going to conflict in Iraq.
‘There they’re a conga line of suckholes on the conservative aspect of politics,’ he warned after the Coalition expressed their assist of the conflict.
Peter Garrett (centre) was fast to chortle when Peter Costello mocked his singing and dancing in parliament asserting ‘you’ve failed the audition’
Peter Garrett – ‘you’ve failed the audition’
Peter Garrett, former Minister for the Setting and political musician, proved he knew easy methods to have fun when former Treasurer Peter Costello mimicked the trademark dancing type of the previous Midnight Oil frontman.
As soon as Costello had completed his efficiency, Garrett introduced to parliament the Treasurer’s expertise didn’t fairly minimize it.
‘You’ve failed the audition,’ Garrett mentioned.
Julia Gillard was fast to place Tony Abbott again in his place when he tried to lecture her on misogyny and sexism when she mentioned he solely wanted ‘a mirror’ to know what misogyny in trendy Australia seemed like
Julia Gillard – ‘If he needs to know what misogyny appears to be like like…he wants a mirror’
In a parliament debate with Tony Abbott, Julia Gillard delivered a strong speech about misogyny in trendy Australia and put the opposition chief again in his field as she did.
‘I can’t be lectured about sexism and misogyny by this man,’ she mentioned.
‘The chief of the opposition says that individuals who maintain sexist views and are misogynists are usually not acceptable for top workplace.
‘Nicely I hope the chief of the opposition has obtained a chunk of paper and is writing out his resignation.
‘As a result of if he needs to know what misogyny appears to be like like in trendy Australia he doesn’t want a movement within the Home of Representatives, he wants a mirror.‘
Leeane Enoch (pictured) mentioned her rival places on ‘his little foil hat’ whereas making insurance policies
Leeane Enoch – ‘his little tin foil hat’
Fortunately politicians are nonetheless proving hilarious insults aren’t a factor of the previous.
The Minister for Setting and the Nice Barrier Reef Leeane Enoch and Member for Callide Colin Boyce have been at one another’s throats in 2019.
Debate stemmed over ‘Nice Barrier Reef outlook report 2019’ Mr Boyce labored on and tensions boiled when Ms Enoch made enjoyable of the members work.
‘I do know he prefers to take a seat in darkish rooms with his little tin foil hat on and draw out his insurance policies,’ she instructed parliament.
Bruce Atkinson (pictured) shocked parliament by declaring ‘there’s a village in need of an fool’
Bruce Atkinson – ‘there’s a village in need of an fool’
Former President of the Victorian Legislative Council Bruce Atkinson tore into Member for Central Highlands Victoria Robert Mitchell in 2004.
‘One of many issues with Mr Mitchell is there’s a village in need of an fool.’
Tanya Plibersek – ‘taxpayer-funded nong’
Liberal MP Craig Kelly and Labor’s Tanya Plibersek have been at one another’s throats over Covid misinformation when Ms Plibersek took it upon herself to name the Liberal out.
“We’re spending $24 million on a marketing campaign to inform individuals to get vaccinated and we’ve obtained a taxpayer-funded nong working round telling individuals to not,”she mentioned.
