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Gutfeld: Is more politics just more misery?

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There’s a superb likelihood I make you sick to your abdomen, like, say, a 40% likelihood — about the identical odds you’d get for those who eat the clam plate at Denny’s. 

That’s in accordance with College of Nebraska consultants, who declare that 4 in 10 folks cite politics as a prime life stressor. It’s so dangerous that it causes insomnia, destroys relationships, and for at the least 5 %, causes them to really feel suicidal. 

So does watching “Emily in Paris,” however I’m not quitting that both. It truly is pleasant. Within the second season, getting picked up for a 3rd.

DRAMATIC 14-POINT SHIFT IN PARTY PREFERENCE GIVES GOP BIGGEST LEAD SINCE 1995: GALLUP

They blame politics for inflicting fatigue, anger and compulsive behaviors. And that’s simply from the employees of “Fox & Mates.” 

1 / 4 declare they’re pondering of shifting due to the politics of their state, particularly California, which explains why U-Hauls are more durable to search out than an actress with an actual nostril. 

Are you able to blame them? Politics suck and our flesh pressers are suckier. Take a look at them. Their faces must be on the again of family cleansing merchandise to induce vomiting if swallowed. And Pelosi’s funding success has raised some eyebrows, together with hers, to the highest of her brow. 

We’re a rustic run by evil rejects from the “Muppets,” besides they’ve acquired their fingers up your butt and it doesn’t really feel pretty much as good because it used to. 

So, very like smoking weed, politics began as a factor to stop folks from killing one another. You created a course of that permits debate to remove the necessity for duels, which is sweet. 

Attempt shopping for a good sword on Amazon. I’ve tried, however over time, politics has develop into much less of a mayhem reducer and extra the alternative — a battle stirrer. Why is it getting worse? Properly, consultants blame social media web sites, podcasts and the nonstop TV information cycle. 

However discover how they miss legacy media. It’s on us and never them. 

However one factor is true: Cable information has a content material drawback, which is a time drawback. How do you fill 24 hours with 20 minutes of reports? 

It’s like making an attempt to feed Brian Stelter just one field of Twinkies. So that you simply repeat it over and over and over. 

Brian Stelter, Chief Media Correspondent for CNN.
( Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Photographs for Vainness Honest)

Again after I was a child, you bought your information at 6 p.m., then you definitely completed your Swanson’s TV dinner, adjusted your polio braces, and all was proper with the world. 

Too quickly? I don’t know. 

Now we will take one story and just like the pores and skin on Jerry Nadler’s trunk, stretch it for 3 days. 

Rep. Jerry Nadler.

Rep. Jerry Nadler.
(Picture by Zach Gibson/Getty Photographs)

The media declares a disaster, then covers their protection of it, then covers response to their protection. No surprise folks really feel dangerous. However simply think about how a lot happier you be. In case you tuned all of it out. 

Speaker 1: Oh, my god, Laurie, did you see the information final night time? It’s infuriating, I couldn’t sleep.

Speaker 2: Oh no. I used to be stargazing. The universe is fantastic.

Speaker 1: Do you learn this loopy stuff is going on?

Speaker 2: Oh no, I’ve simply been admiring this lovely drawing my niece made me.

Speaker 1: Oh, have you ever listened to the podcast “Offended Males Focus on Politics”?

Speaker 2: Oh no, I’ve been listening to sounds of the ocean. 

Speaker 1: Oh my god. Properly, you higher educate your self otherwise you’re by no means going to outlive. 

Right here’s the kicker. Folks really now really feel worse beneath Biden than in Trump when Trump was president. In accordance with Gallup, in only one yr, we noticed a swing from a nine-point Democratic benefit to a five-point GOP edge. 

That’s a shift of 14 factors, in accordance with our point-shifting division. Shout-out to Seth. Good job. 

That’s fairly huge when you think about the media continues to be 95% liberal, and likewise that Biden was speculated to be a jar of Reduction Issue after Trump’s four-year rug burn. 

Biden was speculated to deliver folks collectively, besides we didn’t comprehend it’d be in a line ready for COVID checks. 

So folks really feel worse beneath Joe, maybe as a result of he’s extra divisive than a magician with a round noticed. 

President Biden.

President Biden.
(AP Picture/Evan Vucci)

Now your intuition is accountable these guys. Comprehensible. They’re A-holes, however they’re being led by larger A-holes. 

Our legislators now face recognition from probably the most excessive media varieties to get the dopamine rush, the Dems throw that beast extra pink meat in 24 hours than a zookeeper on Ritalin. 

That’s why Biden, as a substitute of combating crime or inflation, calls half of America bigots. His employees is merely checking what crap tends to pattern on woke Twitter after which spoon-feeds it to the outdated coot like his spouse does his strained beats. 

What say you, Joe?

FAUX PRESIDENT BIDEN: Come on, look, look, some folks suppose I’m offended. Don’t consider every part you hear. I’m by no means offended. I’m Uncle Joe, alright? Folks like me and I, , I don’t consider individuals are is sad as they are saying, it is determined by who you ask. Will depend on who rely the votes. Depend the votes. Depend the votes. Depend the votes. OK, effectively, it comes and goes.

However it does come and go. 

But in addition take a look at the trendy progressive activist. We’ve seen Antifa mug photographs, pale faces, purple hair, rotted tooth, lazy eyes, what Jim Norton calls a stable 9. 

The research finds the folks most weak to political stress are youthful, lean Democrat and are extra actively engaged in political causes. They’re extra prone to dye their hair stunning colours, too. 

That’s nature’s method of warning you about toxic frogs or a toxic liberal arts main. However it is sensible for those who select an offended, bitter framing of the world, You too might be offended and bitter for those who view every part via a racial prism. 

You may find yourself with your personal present on MSNBC, however you received’t discover a second of happiness in your life. All the pieces’s racist. It’s joyless. 

You’ll be consistently pissed off by your defective framing, and nobody needs to be round that. Lastly, the researchers see their information as a foul signal for democracy that if folks view politics as dangerous, they received’t get entangled. 

And why is that dangerous, precisely? They only stated the extra concerned you might be, the more serious it’s. Possibly swallowing all that junk meals is dangerous for you. 

In case you’re injecting politics into every part from sports activities to deal with paint, you’re changing data with rhetoric and shedding mates, household, and your thoughts within the course of. 

So in case your head hurts since you hold hitting it with a hammer, then put down the hammer. 

However for those who’re Don Lemon, hold at it. 

It could actually solely assist. 

This text is customized from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the January 18, 2022 version of “Gutfeld!”